030806

Yea, the date says it all.. 6 more days to parade... YEA!!!!!!!!!

I was talking to Bee leng just now about meeting her for bible study just now and she suddenly said something about me and that particular person. (oops...) She told me that I get to fall in love too easily and my vow is actually more like running away from my feelings than making it to resist temptations. Yes, I am running away from it, because I am not in my right frame of mind. I have actually kindda give up on relationship le. I feel that dating has become too superficial, there is no substance in dates at all. AND if I really become one with her, WAD AM I SUPPOSE TO DO??? I am in army now and my ONLY date was in college and it was more like a studying buddy than a date... yucks... I am rather clueless about relationships and stuff, so, you guessed it. I ran away from it. I even told my mum that I might consider going single. Sounds dumb right? Well, sounds like i do not even have a single bit of confidence in myself. ARGH!!! My mum knew that I liked her cos although I did not tell her that I like (her), she kept on asking me whether I am going out with this NJ girl I kept on mentioning to her about. YES MUM!!! I admit your son likes her, and your stupid son is running away from it. How stupid can I be? Well, what Bee Leng said was true too. If God has made me and her, there is no need to run away from it. We will still be together. AND THERE IS NO POINT RUNNING AWAY FROM IT... Bee Leng was quite happy that I made the vow before going over to Germany, but she wants me to pray about (her) first. yepp, I prayed and i prayed.

Yes, I prayed and i fasted. FOR HER!!! Everything I had done for the past one week was solely on her. In fact, I will be praying next week just about her. I dun wanna lose the vision GOD has given to me, and yet not lose the vision of a perfect family... Aiyo.... I am pretty stressed up now.. Shouldnt think about this... This is driving me INSANE!!! yes, mav does get insane..

Still waiting for my German examination grade, cos once i have that cert, i can proudly say that my german has a certain standard le. Waiting and still waiting...